Citizen 905

Reality is not Counterstrike

Tue, 16 Dec 2008 03:30:01 GMT

Center of mass, people, CENTER OF MASS!

Well, finally

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 05:26:48 GMT

It only took three airplanes flying into buildings, two quagmires in revenge for it, and one imploded banking system, but we finally have a president who isn't a retard.

Save us Mooby!

Fri, 31 Oct 2008 13:34:31 GMT

In hard times, Christians are returning to the religion of their forefathers.

He's a hypnotist... a hypnotist of ladies

Fri, 31 Oct 2008 13:24:14 GMT

You won't know why you like him.

Frikkin' lasers

Sun, 26 Oct 2008 21:14:06 GMT

Went to see the Lasershow yesterday. Apparently, this thing has been entertaining rednecks for 25 years.

They've moved the the projection from the main building to right below the mountain, probably because they've added slide-show images. How cheap. They've also sold out to Chick-fil-a and the Alabama tourism board.

Someday I'm going to make a lasershow screensaver that renders slavery, lynchings, and the civil rights movement. The final frame will be Obama's inauguration. Eat that, rednecks.

They played the censored version of "The Devil Went Down to Georgia", and cut off the Ray Charles song "Georgia" to go to the Willie Nelson cover, and didn't even let the song finish.

Until they let us play Tempest, the best part remains the Ray Lynch song:

Stuff I still need to do

Sun, 26 Oct 2008 20:44:12 GMT

Wire my house in cat-5.
Buy nice couch.
Get eye exam and new glasses.
Buy table and chairs.
Cut my backyard.
Buy new car.
Buy breakfast table.
See dentist and find out just how many cavities I have.
See doctor and find out just how high my cholesterol and blood pressure is.
Buy futon.
Buy clothes.
Buy treadmill.
Buy home theater system.
Wire house for home theater.
Buy Aeron chair.
Buy guns, ammo, and canned food for a year.

I sure hope civil war erupts over the rigged election. Owning crap is so boring.

Cry more, trader slime

Sun, 26 Oct 2008 20:24:17 GMT

Ah, schadenfreude.

Stupid bailout

Sat, 04 Oct 2008 13:33:42 GMT

Damn it, I don't care if the economy tanks, I want to see blood on the street.

Hey, baby

Mon, 15 Sep 2008 03:41:47 GMT

Wanna pull my cable?

Be as rough as you want, I've got lube.

So I bought a house, and now I have the joy of running cat-5 all over it. And I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

This is how I write software

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 12:32:03 GMT

Nerds!

Sat, 09 Aug 2008 21:11:34 GMT

I'm watching Revolution OS over Netflix.

Holy shit, ESR has a whiny high-pitched girl voice.

Bruce Perens is freakin' Emo Phillips. Did he have a stroke or something?

LOL, everyone is excited by VA Linux stock.

"Giving the Linus Torvalds Award to the Free Software Foundation is sort of like giving the Han Solo Award to the rebel fleet."

There's a new master of creation, it's me!

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 04:35:23 GMT

I Netflix'ed The Second Coming based purely on its sampling in the Orbital song "You Lot". And it was actually pretty good, way too good for a TV movie.

The weird thing is, I wouldn't have watched it first if the power hadn't gone out and left the horrible movie I had just started stuck in the PS3. So I put this one in the MacBook with barely enough power left to play the whole thing. Then, right after it finished, I was taking a leak and the power came back on. I think that means I'm Jesus.

I don't know why the scientists even make them

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 11:55:49 GMT

Flesh-eating robot research is languishing.

My niece is getting some presents

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 09:35:03 GMT

Rock out.

Nirvana works surprisingly well. So does Pink Floyd, of course. I think these were the original Smashing Pumpkins songs.

I wish the albums weren't $17. I'd buy them all. The best coding music is ambient techno. And for some reason I really dig chimes, the vibraphone, and glockenspiel. I must have enjoyed the grocery store as a child.

Update: Their Myspace page has a few full songs.

"hate speech will not be tolerated here"

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 18:33:58 GMT

I've been censored on Fark again, and on BoingBoing, too. Both the freepers and the self-esteemers want to shut me up, but they're very selective about it. You can say whatever you want as long as you don't point to particular elephants in the room.

It's funny, when I'm trolling, people take me seriously, and when I use a real voice, people accuse me of trolling. It seems as if having an honest opinion is a crime on the Internet, but you can express the most vile, despicable things if you do so eloquently.

They don't melt, they disappear

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 11:40:06 GMT

Why are these ice cube trays not available for purchase? Indeed, why are they not in every Target and Wal-Mart in America?

Obama the god damned coward

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 03:48:11 GMT

It's official. Our government is populated by traitors.

And what the fuck? They Might Be Giants sold out to Dunkin' Donuts!?

fscked

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 04:44:22 GMT

Hans Reiser: A little bit of column A, a little bit of column B

Funniest Wikipedia vandalism EVAR

Nothing reminds me of my first time like a chick crying

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 01:45:59 GMT

Wall-E makes a woman cry on cue. And for that, she got to attend the premier.

When Eve stoically waited for the dropship to fly away, and then broke into a supersonic scramble at the sheer joy of being alive, holy fuck, I got a little verklempt right there. So where's my free movie pass? Do I at least get a certificate for being human?

This little guy had already reawakened my dormant interest in robotics. Of course, my ultimate goal is the ascendancy of mechanical life, so don't start thinking I'm going soft.

lol, I has a foil

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 13:18:21 GMT

In the form of Jean Teasdale.

(context)

Oh, look

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 04:44:44 GMT

The freepers got all butt-hurt over Wall-E.

Another reason it is the best movie since The Incredibles.

Wait, why am I looking for a house?

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 02:45:27 GMT

Had a house inspected today. It took five hours. The corners are sinking. I'm not buying the house.

Death of a salesman

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 11:10:57 GMT

Nothing makes me hate humanity more than funerals. Every one I've ever been to has served as a stage for individuals to hijack a person's life to proselytize a personal religious disease, holding the deceased hostage, telling vulnerable people that if you want to see them again (you can see them again!), you damn well better do what I say.

Given that I usually have some attachment to the person being used in this way, I have developed an almost Pavlovian association with funeral homes and murderous thoughts. I suppose that might be a convenience someday.

It was a refreshing change of pace to attend the funeral of a person I may have met once, if at all, though this one was short on religious propaganda. What it wasn't short on was crazy old man stories, a really creepy undercurrent of historical Atlanta racism, naughty jokes, and aphorisms to rationalize exploiting people like cattle at the slaughterhouse. It was the first funeral that I've actually enjoyed.

I think I learned what is perhaps the most useful idea ever to be encapsulated into a single sentence: "No one cares what you know until they know that you care."

In other words, until you stroke their ego with attention, placating their insecurities and sharing their suffering, people won't be receptive to letting you take what you want from them in exchange for your expertise. These are social skills I can take to the bank.

The deceased was apparently a big fan of Think and Grow Rich, which reminds me of when a serendipitous google search led me to How to Win Friends and Influence People, and I realized that it wasn't a sad crutch for the lonely, but a manual of judo-like techniques for social control. I had been independently discovering these tricks over the last decade, not unlike the Gang of Four book, which I got pissed at for how much time I had wasted discovering patterns by trial and error.

I had always had contempt for salespeople, being the groveling little grubbers that they are, but you know, they may have something useful to teach. Their image problem stems from the fact that the good ones aren't actually known as salespeople, but leaders. They aren't beggers, but puppetmasters.

So when is this and Nausicaa going to be on the Blue-ray?

Thu, 22 May 2008 04:43:05 GMT

Howl's Moving Castle is a damn good movie.

Monkey in the trunk

Tue, 20 May 2008 02:25:56 GMT

R.A., why is some greasy-haired marketing douchebag with a soul-patch using twitter in your name? Update your blag.

Speed Racer was mediocre. I mean, everything in it was clever, but the sum of the parts just didn't hold together. It was as awkward and forced as the last two Matrix movies.

Trivia moment: one of my earliest memories was watching the cartoon. For the longest time I could recall scenes of cars with wheel spikes fighting each other, but could never place it until MTV started showing it in the evenings, over a decade later.